Blogs are busting out all over
All throughout the Appalacian Hills

Ok, so that would have worked better had I ever actually seen Carousel.
Point is lots of my friends have logged in to the blogging cult-ure. Go check out Matt and Mark, welcome them, before they're wise to us.

Traffic has been slow, really slow around here. Not that I need people to read, but it doesn't feel all that great when the visitor counter is stuck on 0. People used to visit me once. TSO popped in a few times...

New goal: rebuild my base.

I think that means I have to start putting up substance now

Well, that was weird....

I am happy where I am in my life right now: perfectly content with my single-ness, and not looking for anyone more than Christ to fill my time. Having said that....

I was bored the other day (Or, more accurately, I was avoiding work the other day) and I stumbled across one of those "meet-your-match" websites. Just for kicks (to waste even more time) I decided to fill out a survey just to see what their profile said about me and whether I agreed with it or not. I forgot, however, to erase/close whatever account was started when I finished.

So today I get an email about a potential match. Not only does this person live near me, I know him. In fact, we are actually good friends.

My account is now closed and I think I've got some 'splaining to do....

jiggity-jig

Home again. And by that I mean beautiful Blacksburg, VA. Believe it or not I moved back three weeks ago.

{Pray, then, why hadst thou neglected us?}

For the past two weeks I have actually been without connection to the outer world. I ventured where no sane person ought, where no cell-phone signal is found. Thankfully I am not exactly sane. I was at Mountain Lake Biological Station with the rest of my Field Techniques class. Yes, it is technically owned by those we do not speak of but none were to be seen during our stay. (Methinks lost in fear and trembling.)

Ah, MLBS, where tree-riding is a highly competitive sport, mice can be listed as arboreal species, and 80% of the class (including the instructor) holds a dear cold brew in their hands during lecture. I had a blast. We did everything: small mammal trapping, salamander surveys, mist netting (birds and bats), bird banding, remote camera sampling, tranquilizer gun practice, rocket netting, bear snare setting....And then I had to come back down to boring old school.

Actually, school this year will be anything but boring. I've four rather challenging courses plus an undergraduate research project in remote camera sampling (I've fallen in love with it). So time management will be key this semester. Wait, let me rephrase: Good, productive time management will be key this semester. I've never really had a problem managing my time...My management goals have just been slightly skewed.

Classes are starting back up and I'm not sure how solid a start I have. Already I am neglecting work to write to you.{Hey Mikey, she likes us!}

On Journaling

This is what happens to my writing when I am not entrenched in technical and scientific babble all day long.

For me, there is a method in the starting and keeping of a journal, indeed, almost a ritual. Careful thought and planning is observed before ever pen touches paper. In seeing out even the smallest details, I find that I can focus all the more on the therapy at hand. My thoughts are on the perfect expression of whichever of the numberless ideas I have decided to concentrate on rather than consumed with the amount of room left on the page or ink left in the pen.

The journal itself is, of course, the keystone of the process. I, myself, have three at the moment; signs of an addiction, perhaps, but a page for every thought and a thought for every page. There is my study journal: sturdy, neatly organized, complementary sized so as to be easily carried alongside my Bible to studies, conferences, and sermons as well as personal devotion times. It's pages are thus far filed with notes, comments and questions as well as an occasional prayer scribbled in the margins.

Then, I have an actual prayer journal; also sized to be carried with my Bible. It is leather-bound, compact, secure. It started as an ordinary journal at a time when I was lost in uncertainty, determined to flush out my identity on a regimen of reflection and self-evaluation. (Perhaps that is why it resembles a traveler's journal.) It was shelved for a while and I realized that my identity was in Christ all along. So it was born anew as the journal that helps me bring focus and intent to my prayers. It is also a constant review and reminder of what God has done in my life.

There is my newest journal. Small, discrete, portable, it is a ready receptacle for any inspirations or ideas that may come during the day or, as the case may have it, at night. It is, as I've said, small, and I shouldn't doubt if I've managed to exhaust its pages in some short-time. It is meant, more than anything, to whet my rhetorical appetite to what it once was. Perhaps I will again toy with the poetry and prose I delighted in.

Through my journaling I've come to a philosophy on, of all things, pens. Crucial to the journaling experience is the proper writing utensil. While I prefer a quill and ink bottle, they are not the most portable of choices. Nor are they the most convenient for simply "jotting something down." While a pencil offers that beautiful scratch as it moves over the paper, it does not bring the challenge and permanence granted by a pen. Preferring to write in script I have found it difficult to find a pen that will provide the same scratch as most write too smoothly nowadays. There is something to that sound of pen on paper, almost as though you are hearing the ideas sharpen, solidify. Thoughts are moved from the abstract to the concrete with a few whispered scratches.

I feel a pen should rank well in the areas of style, form and function; as well as availability and reliability. A pen on its last drop of ink can leave you stranded mid-revelation and then all the world will be denied your inspiring message. Or, at least, you may forget quite how you meant to put it and it will lose its verve leaving you forever disappointed and frustrated.

A unique pen, while inspiring, will be hard to replace. I like consistency in my pages It's one of the few places I can actually have control and I like to take full advantage of the situation. Given the unfathomable variations in black ink alone, I like a pen that isn't one in a million. Preferably one that can be re-stocked with an easy errand.

A pen should write well. I have too often been frustrated and distracted by a pen that would not fill in the bottom of a loop, or faded in and out, or leaked extra ink and bled onto my every other thought.

A pen should fit well in your hand. It should be balanced to flow well with your stroke and flare and allow for prolonged sessions.

And, finally, a pen should suit the personality of the writer. I prefer something simple and clean. I especially avoid having advertisements for drugs, hospitals banks and the like competing for my attention while I am searching out that one perfect word or phrase.

Happy Hunting Grounds

We had to have our dog put down on Monday. Her 12 years of life ended after a sudden onset of seizures. She was an old dog and we knew she wouldn't be with us much longer. I was rather prepared for it.

I think, for me, the most upsetting part of her death was the seizures. I hated the thought of her suffering more than that of losing her altogether.

Another thing that's been bothering me is how well I have been taking things. And getting used to there not being a head peeking around the corner whenever you are in the kitchen.

There is something amazing about God's joy. In prayer, I found that I wasn't praying for help through trouble or grief, but thanking God for the time Sophie was able to bless our family.

Peachy Keen

Well, I'm in the middle of getting things ready for the fall semester. There is shopping to be done and a schedule or two to be evaluated, moving preparations as well as an attempt to transfer to the Target up in Christiansburg so that I can keep the income through the school year. I remember summers in grade school seemed to get shorter each year. I would watch the roads for the bus drivers learning their new routes as the tell-tale sign that school was indeed closing in upon us once more. (Not to deny that I did, and do still, love school.) Now I am preparing for school before August has even peeked over the horizon.

Curse you mature responsibility!

I've gone from debating the superiority of green and blue freezer-pops to questioning whether to add another class this fall (bringing my credit-load to 17) so that I can add another non-required class this spring. I think I shall actually. The class in question is an "Intro to Shakespeare" course although Shakespeare and I have already met and are, in truth, quite intimate friends. It will, however, fulfill a creativity requirement and give me an excuse to indulge once again in King Lear...not that I've ever needed an excuse before.

Dear me, I had meant this to be about peaches. If you ever find yourself in the Blue Ridge area of Virginia, especially during peach, apple, or any other fruitful season, I highly suggest an excursion to the Saunders Brothers Orchard no matter how far a side-trip it may be. We took a day trip up there today to load up on peaches. Absolutely gorgeous. We've managed to come home with 4 pecks (48 lbs) worth as well as an assortment of jams, jellies and other delights. My parents stumbled across the orchard last fall and we've been hooked on their Peach Salsa, Apple-Raisin Butter and FROG Jam (comprising Figs, Raspberries, Oranges, and Grapes). I've added to my collection of tasty treats Mayhaw Jelly, Sweet Potato and Honey Butter, Corncob Jelly, and Blackberry Cider. I purchased with the plan of saving them and taking everything up to school with me in a couple of weeks but I don't know if I can hold out all that long.

Holy Locomotive, Batman!

Actually, this has nothing to do with trains, or Batman for that matter. But you, being the uber-intelligent person you are already knew that. Sheesh, I can't fool you for a second. I just realized that it's been a month...no more than that....since I last posted anything. My posting always slows when I go home, I don't like being tucked away in a cave...that an there are people around. I hate the feeling that someone is looking over my shoulder when I type. Enough excuses.

I figured it might be nice to catch all two of you up on what's been going on around the coop since May. For starters, I'm home for the summer (and by that I mean the house where my parent's live that I used to live in before I went off to join the Hokie cheering section). Coming home is always an adventure: returning to my room to see what mess might be left for me to pick up. Finding a place for the stuff I brought home with me, acquainting myself with any new animals (this time is was hermit crabs)....And, of course there is always the first Sunday back. I have to prep myself for Sunday mornings. The percentage of people at church that I actually know keeps shrinking, so among all the new people there are to meet, I also have to run through the same questions over and over with all the people I do know: "how long are you back?" "How is school going?" "How much longer do you have?" and the like.

I got a job for the summer, I start tomorrow. I'm working at Target. I also got a vehicle, one of my other goals for the summer. To be specific, I got a truck. A little '96 Ford, just big enough to be called a truck, but it's manual so that counts for some cool points. I'm working on a name for it, I'm thinking George might be a good fit, but I haven't really defined it's personality as of yet. I love my truck. I really do. I may have to go for a drive today.

No Joke

Multiple Choice question from my Habitat Ecology Final:

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
a)2 cords
b)Who's asking?
c)Who cares?
d)4 cubic chains
e)It depends

Yes, there is a correct answer to that.
And yes, my prof. is a huge Gary Larson fan.

Checking in.

Just to let you know, I am still alive. School has gotten the better of me recently.

To keep you busy while I'm tied up:

I've been thinking recently of the differences between humility and modesty.
Discuss.

What a match!

Happy 23rd Wedding Anniversary to my parents. 

Feliz cumpleanos a mi.

Yes, it is, once again, my birthday today. I'm 21, completely legal. Although my celebrations are slightly different from the vast majority of ex-minors....

Instead of buying myself my first beer (which, when I do, will be a Guinness)I decided to spoil myself by ordering a little light reading. Don't all girls want writings of a 12th century monk for the big 21?

Ah well, if anybody is feeling in the birthday spirit and wants to gift me with one of the other things on my wish list, go right ahead. I'm really hoping for those Chant cds....

Lessons from the book of Ruth

Mom's don't meddle, they act in God's plan.

Sometimes you've got to get your hands dirty.

Excellence is meeting, and surpassing, the required characteristics.

Men can be almost as crafty as women.

If you had sack of grain, a cloak, and a sandal....I'd marry you.

Often we just can't see where we fit in to God's plan and all we can do is obey.

Character: now that's hot!

If business deals today resulted in you having to get a new pair of shoes, Fortune 500 would be a women's magazine.

My Redeemer Lives

When I am reading through the Bible, I often stumble across certain words or phrases that stick out to me for no apparent reason. A lot of the time, these are words that we use without really thinking about why or what they mean, yet they are part of our Christian vocabulary and we rarely stop to question them. I like to stop and dig in, words are chosen for a purpose and I want to know what that purpose is. So this past week, when it was my night to share with the group, I took them on a little adventure, the same expedition I share with you now.

I've been reading through Ruth with one of the girls in my Bible study, and a word that kept popping out at me was "redeemer" and since then I've been chewing over the connection between Boaz as Ruth's redeemer, and Christ as ours. What was it about Ruth that needed to be redeemed? She was a widow. Whenever widows are mentioned in the Word, they are grouped with the poor, the needy. In 1 Kings 17:22 we meet the widow who has nothing but a little flour and some oil that she is set to use to prepare a last meal for her and her son. In 2 Kings 4, the widow is being pursued by creditors and has nothings but a jar of oil. In Luke 21, the widow who offers 2 small copper coins is said to have offered more than any of the others for she gave all she had. So widows were poor. Loss of a husband meant loss of income. A widow could not provide for herself, she was helpless, desperate.

In Genesis 38 we find the story of Tamar. Her first husband died so she married his brother in hopes that he might continue the line. (The story takes a turn for the worse soon after, but the practice is all I need to reference.)

This is the practice we see in Ruth. Ruth and Naomi have both become widows, they have no income. Ruth goes to the field to glean from the harvest with the rest of the poor. Boaz is able to provide for Ruth. He marries her to "redeem" her, to restore her and "raise up the name of the deceased." So how does that apply to us?

Boaz could redeem Ruth because he was a relative, even called a "closest relative" (Ruth 2:20) which can also be translated "redeemer." We have been adopted into God's family and are even called fellow heirs with Christ (Romans 8:15-17).

Our original relationship, the one we were intended to share with God, died in Adam's sin. We are widows. We are spiritually bankrupt and have no means of providing for ourselves. But Christ, Christ was sent into this world to reconcile--bring back into close relationship--all things. He was sent to redeem us, to restore our inheritance in God's kingdom, to bring glory to the name of the Father.

One of the great ideas behind this whole "redeemer" thing, is that redeemers had a choice. In Ruth 4, the closer relative had a choice as to whether he wanted to redeem Ruth or not, he chose not to. But Christ came with that sole purpose. It was His choice.

Like I said, this is just something I've been chewing on for a few days...

Happy Pi Day.

Yes, I am a nerd. No, it's not the same "Pi" in my title.

Some sites for you to visit.

Is your birthday in Pi? Mine is, position 1134202.

Read a history of Pi.

And then take the quiz.

Or check out Pi to 1,000,000 places.

The time has come

My little friends,
to talk of other things.
Of shores and trips and packing bags
Of week-long break and Spring!
And why I'm off to Florida
And whether we'll get to swing.
Calloo-Callay
No work, hurray!
We're cabbages and kings!

Yes sir. I am off to Stuart, Florida for this the week of Spring Break. It's one of the Nav trips we run every year and we'll be staying at a church and working on homes for Habitat for Humanity.

I will be missing my babies up in Chester, but I am really looking forward to this week.

Do you enjoy the distortion?

So I'm an Earthsuit fan. (Apparently they are no longer "Earthsuit" but that doesn't really matter.) It's really hard to describe or classify them. Although it made sense, for some reason, when I learned they were from New Orleans.

One of my particular favorites of theirs is Sky Flashings:

Who keeps the balance in suspended skies
Supporting Earth with inward thrust
Let the audience refocus eyes
On all sky flashings in front of us

Who's seen in the midst of unsealing skies
It's revelation that all can see
And yet our hearts remain hushed inside
Mindless of fantasia we enjoy for free.

It takes a miracle, kaleidoscope superior
Spinning vortex, bleeding shades of night to day
Sovereign pictures center stage
Genius of the cosmic craze
Days and nights keep on and on
God abroad in blended song
In our sky flashings

Who can deny this pure design
Emanating views never seen
Revealing art to mortal minds
Entranced in our phantasmic dreams

Disappearing Act

I know you are probably wondering what's happened to me the past couple of weeks. I could say that I decided to give up posting for Lent, but that's evidently not the case. Nor have I given up on the whole blog thing and just decided to let my page slowly wear away into the mysterious expanse of the internet. The simple truth is, I've been absolutely swamped. I've barely been able to keep my head above water these past couple of weeks, and really don't have time between now and Spring Break (1.5 weeks away) either. I'm just refusing to do work tonight. Or anything more than reading at any rate.

I've been thinking recently of how distant I've become in so many of my relationships. I remember growing up, how every time we moved I would swear it was the time that I was going to keep up correspondence with those friends I was leaving behind. If I ever did, it slowly lessoned. Each letter was more delayed than the last. And then they just stopped completely. I've been noticing with friendships I have now. It has taken a lot of determination to keep involved with some people. As hard as it is sometimes here in town, it's been even more so with people who live in other cities, and other states.

Lets run through the list. I haven't seen most of my maternal relatives for 12 years. My maternal grandparents came up to visit occasionally, but the last time they came was probably 4 or 5 years ago. My paternal grandfather came up to visit a couple of summers ago, but I haven't seen my paternal grandmother or my uncles for, again, 12 years. I think they (my grandmother and at least one of my uncles) are planning to come up sometime this spring, which is tremendously exciting.

I do keep in touch with my parents. I didn't get to call home too much last year, but this year I've been calling at least once a week, often more. I think it's because I fear drifting away so much. I don't want to have the relationship with them that my parents have with their families. My dad hears from his family maybe 3 times a year, total. Birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

One of the things that really bugs me is what has become of my brother and me. We spent years in the same house and couldn't really stand each other. But now, I haven't seen him in 3 years, and I rarely get to speak with him. When I do hear what is going on with him, it's usually relayed through my parents.

I've been fighting. I've been writing letters. I've been determined to know how people in my family are doing. Is this just how it is? We fall to the point of the obligatory holiday phone call? You know, all this technology is supposed to be making communication easier...I don't think we are using it to its full potential.



And on a side note: A little too ironic: Blogger spell check doesn't recognize "blog" as a proper word. Neither does it recognize Blogger. You think they'd fix that.

Some things should just stay dead

Supposedly, if you hang on to something long enough it will come back into style. With all the retro/vintage fashion waves that have been about recently I've been excited to see many 40s and 50s inspired looks. I've even liked some of the 60s fabrics and sometimes the 70s funk that has shown up.
The one thing I dread. The thing that sparks convulsive twitching as I see it creeping back into our closets is the return of the 80s. Maybe it's because I lived through part of the decade and don't want to admit that I'm old enough for something I've worn to be "back in style." Maybe it's because it's the only "retro" decade that I've actually seen in person and could actually witness how bad things were at the time. Whatever it is, I'm fighting.
So I just about died yesterday when I saw a girl on campus in a black off-the-shoulder shirt, a white skirt, and black Spandex shorts underneath. She even had black sneakers to complete the outfit. If her hair wasn't so normal, I swear she could have passed for Cyndi Lauper. Except she wasn't looking for fun. Oh no, she was spotted well before lunch time. This was day-wear.

Heard in passing:

Guy 1: So did you have a good time?
Guy 2: According to reports, I had a blast.

I've never seen the appeal of drinking yourself out of consciousness.

Just thought I'd share.

So I've been doing some "spring semester" cleaning and ran across some things I had written long ago and just about forgot I had. This one I wrote in high school:

I'm so tired of waiting
Waiting to hear Your word
Waiting to feel Your pow'r
Waiting to see you move

Where's Your perfect timing?
Wouldn't now be good?
Clearly life's not following my plan.

Still I'm clinging to all Your promises
'Cause I've read all about the hope You give
Lord, remind me of Your faithfulness
Let Your grace be enough.
Not by my will, Lord
So let Thy will be done.

Where is all this going?
Where would You have me go?
What would You have me do?
Who would You have me know?

Still, I stand in waiting.
Here I am, send me.
Lord, I long to follow where you lead.

So I'm clinging to all Your promises
'Cause I know all about the hope You give.
Keep reminding me of You faithfulness
And Your grace is more than enough.
Not by my will, Lord.
So let Thy will be done.

In case you couldn't tell, those are supposed to be song lyrics. I never thought the tune itself was very good, but that is another story.

The point, I think, is that I still get impatient about the future. It's not that I want to see the whole map (control-freak that I am), but sometimes knowing where the next turn is would be grand. I guess that is what trusting God, having faith is all about. All I know is the final destination and it's all up to God when I get there and what roads I take on the way. Forget being a co-pilot, I'm sitting in the back more or less along for the ride. Shoot, crank the music and let's stop off at some of those green pastures every now and again and I'm good to go.

Right, that metaphor is far from perfect. I know it doesn't really address work done along the way, like offering pedestrians a ride and such. But it says what I want it to say. And - gosh darn it - it's my metaphor and I'll leave it incomplete if I want to.

Where was I? Oh yeah, God's perfect planning. I was singing a song the other night (Abba Father by Shaun Groves) and part of it is:

In my weakness, You protect me.
When my heart strays, You correct me.

and I was reminded of how much God has protected/corrected me and how often I don't really see all that He has done/is doing until I see it in retrospect.

[I was going to insert here, as an example, a long story about this guy I knew in high school and how God kept me from what would have been a messy and impossible relationship, but I felt cheesy and annoying when I was writing it (not that it has really stopped me before) so I decided to spare you. You don't know how grateful you should be. Really. I mean, chocolates and thank-you bouquets might be in order...]

What is winter with no snow?

Yep, it snowed here in Blacksburg today. And actually stuck a little bit. That means today was a good day.

And to start the semester off properly, a run-down of my course-load:
Genetics: Not much to say on this one. Except my teacher is Turkish.
Habitat Ecology: A study of habitat classifications. Most likely going to be my best class this semester.
Statistics: No comment.
Population Dynamics and Estimation: All math. It should be interesting though.
Habitat Evaluation: One big group project. All semester long.
Wildlife Field Techniques: This class meets 4 times this semester. And then I have a 10 day field work in August.

It's going to be quite the semester.

Back in the 'Burg

Contrary to popular belief, I have not disappeared from the face of the earth. I'm back at school (have been for 30 hours perhaps) and will resume normal posting schedules shortly.

Whew

It feels great to be done with the semester. Added to this is the knowledge that I absolutely rocked a couple of my exams (especially my history one) and the fact that my apartment is finally clean again (after a couple of crazy weeks). So I'm wandering around in a bit of euphoria right now.

I end with a quote from my history prof. said during our exam:

Great exams are never finished...they're abandoned.

Enjoy

Some pictures from my trip to West Virginia a few weeks ago. 

 
I think this one is my favorite. 

Wassailing, wassailing all over the town
Our cup it is white, and our ale it is brown.
Our cup it is made from the fine ashen tree,
and so is our ale of the finest barley.

The VT Nav Christmas party was Saturday. Among other things, I wound up taking some Wassail and it was a hit. While most people had never heard of wassail, or had heard the word (as in "here we go a-wassailing...") but had no clue what wassail was. People were anxious to try the curiosity and the wassail went fast. I should have made at least a double batch.

For those of you who don't know what Wassail is, I refer you here or here, rather than try to explain it myself.

I will, however, share with you my family's recipe (non-alcoholic, of course):

1 Gallon apple cider
6 whole cloves
6 whole allspice
2 tsp ground nutmeg
6 oz frozen orange juice
6 oz frozen lemonade
1 C brown sugar
short cinnamon sticks (a few for the pot, or one for each person's mug)

In covered 6 qt sauce pot, over low heat, simmer 2 C cider, cloves, allspice, nutmeg for 10 min. Add remaining apple cider, undiluted lemonade and orange juice, brown sugar. Heat until hot, no boiling.

For effect: Float baked apples (cored, baked @ 350 for 25 min.) and sprinkle with sugar.

Enjoy.

Where the heart is.

This past weekend the VT Navs were visited by some people involved with the Navigator ministry in Japan. The country coordinator, the head-guy from Shizouka, a VT alum and friend who are ministering in Sendai and some students. It was really great getting to hang out with them, learn about what need there is and get an update on what God is doing in Japan. There was, of course, encouragement for us to get more involved. Many VTNavs have been to Japan on short trips before and the need for young people to minister in Japan was emphasized a few times.

So driving home from one of the meetings my friend asked me the question of the week: "So have you thought about Japan?"

I have---and I haven't.

Right now I am just searching for some guidance. I feel like I'm back in my senior year of high school...trying to decide what my next step will be, trying to figure out what my future might entail, and really not having a clue of what is going on.

From the practical side, I can't really afford to do much. I know that if God wants me to go somewhere, He will provide the means. At the same time I'm thinking of the tens of thousands of dollars in debt I am (happens when you are paying for school with loans), and the fact that I haven't ever had a paying job (only volunteered) and don't have much experience (except some volunteering) relating to my major. My parents really want me to get a job this summer or at least a paid internship, so I want to honor them as well.

But the real reason is I just don't feel called there. I love hearing from the missionaries, being able to pray for them, and supporting them in any way I can, but my heart is not in Japan. It is like Chester. I spent the summer ministering there. I love the kids, I love the missionaries, I love the people, I even like living there (it was certainly home by the end of the summer). I know that I could live and work in Chester and be happy...but my heart isn't there. I don't feel called to work there, and I know that if I chose to be there, it would be me rather than God choosing.

So then my problem, and my real struggle, is: I have no clue where my heart is and I believe for ministry to be fruitful and glorifying to God, your heart should be in it. I suppose that it is something I may find out through trial and error. For now, I know that I love to serve, directly. I like to do things for people, I like to have my home open to people and be a constant hostess. I have a heart for worship. Judging from the feedback on this year's Christmas party, I apparently have the ability to administer and organize. (Perhaps I should rephrase that and say that I have the ability to break down a task and delegate the pieces.)

I know bits and pieces, but I've been looking at options for this summer and I have just hit a wall. I can't imagine what trouble I will have when I look for something to do after I graduate. I have another year and a half (Spring '06!!!) before that decision needs to be made, though.

Between now and then, I want to focus on searching out my spiritual gifts and learning where my heart lies, where God would have me, just a better sense of His purpose for my life.

Those sound an awful lot like resolutions. Well, it is Advent, the "Christian New Year."

Wouldn't trade Christmas...

I do love Christmas, the whole Christmas season...It has something to do with all the traditions I've grown up with. Christmas is big in my family. It helps that my father never really grew up, I don't think my mom did either. Oh yeah, we have fun.

Today was great. I got a 94 on my history paper. I may not be the best student, and I am nowhere near 4.0, but I know how to write a rocking history paper without breaking a sweat. My prof's comments on my paper included "Wow, what a set of endnotes."

I got two new Christmas cds to add to my selection. One is all Bing Crosby, the other all Frank Sinatra. I could have gotten more, they had Mel Torme, Johnny Mathis, and all sorts of wonderful other crooners. I had to be a little careful with my money.

Meanwhile, I think Good King Wenceslas may just be one of my new favorite carols. Although the Bing Crosby & Frank Sinatra duet on The Christmas Song absolutely rocks.

I can't decide whether this disturbs me or not.

UPDATE: Apparently some people were a tad more upset.

Schedule for the day

10:10--Forest Ecology Class: work through 2 equations, bubble in teacher evaluation
11:00-1:00--Chill in coffee-shop working on laptop, sipping hot cocoa, and eating pumpkin cheesecake
1:00--meet with Prof and beg for one more point added to my grade
1:25--Technical Writing Class: eat pizza, lots of pizza
2:30--Law Class: eat candy and fill out teacher evalutation

I do love the last days of the semester....

A-C-C!!!

Was it just me or did the UM fan's "Let's go 'Canes" sound more like S.O.S. by the 4th?

I don't think anyone was listening either way.

GO HOKIES!!!

All I want for Christmas:

to curl up in a comfy chair with a mug of tea and a good book and smell that wonderful mix of spices and old books; to get flour in my hair; to sit and cross-stitch while jazz standards drift from the radio; to play boardgames by lamplight; to use a cookie jar for what it is made for; to spend an evening in wool socks and warm conversation.

That's not asking too much, is it?

Blacksburg Academics

(No this is not about us schooling the 'hoos yesterday, although that would be a really great title for such a post.)

I've been sitting here for the past few hours (I think the counter has just ticked past 7) drinking coffee from my John Deere mug and researching the 1933 Agricultural Adjustment Act. By the way, why is it called research when this is the first time I have seen any of this information?
Ok, that was beside the point (not that I really have one). So, I've been sifting through book after book on Agricultural History and the like finding gem-quotes like:

God made the country, man made the city, and the devil made the suburbs and the country clubs. --Russell Lord

As stressed as I am about all the work I have to do this week (3 killer papers all due Thursday) I actually enjoy doing the research. I learned this system in high school for writing papers (I think my history teacher kept urging us to try it) and it hasn't failed me yet. When researching, I write down each point or piece of data on a seperate index card (for this paper I've got a stack of 200 or so) then I group the cards by category (instant outline) and put them in an order that makes sense. That way, when I write the paper I just have to write transition statements from one card to the next...it goes much smoother that way.
I know, I'm a nerd but it works for me. I really don't know why I decided to post this, maybe I want to live up to the line before buy it. What's worse though: me writing this dribble or you reading it?

Ponder this well and grow in wisdom as you reflect. -- Norman Scott Brien Gras.

A glimpse of life

in the Holub household:

Me: That's a hyphen, not a dash.
Dad: What's the difference between a dash and a hyphen?
Mom: About three years of college.

I love my parents.

There is beauty in a blank page. It sits there new, fresh, ready to be worked. It can become almost anything: a poem, a play, a psalm, a prayer. As it is, it is nothing, empty and waiting. Waiting for the pen to spill over. Thirsty for the blood, the tears, the perspiration that will give it life. Anticipating those markings that will forever keep it from just a plain piece of paper. It spurs emotion into thought, thought into word.

Quote of the day:

This one from Shaun Groves:

Worship is not a song. Worship is my response to God with all that I am to all that He is, all that He has done, is doing, and will do in me, through me, around me, and in spite of me, but it's not just a song. Worship is our response with all of our lives, everything that we've been given to all that God is. And so, if we come in here in this place and we raise our hands and we raise our voices, but we don't stretch these hands out when we leave this place to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and fight for the poor and the oppressed, then what you and I have done is worshiped a singer or a song, but not a God.

Update

My, I've got some catching up to do. Apologies for how sparse it's been around here lately, I've been testing a hypothesis. Seems if I actually turn my computer off on ocassion, I don't waste nearly as much time obsesively checking emails and away messages. I do, however, manage to find other ways to waste my time.

A run-down of recent happenings:
Thanksgiving break is just about a week away and I've had back to back tests. I certainly am ready for a break, although I've got three papers to write for when I get back, one of which I still have to schedule interviews for, one I still have no topic for, and all of which I have more research than I can fathom left to collect. Oh yeah, and I'm in charge of Thanksgiving dinner (because I want to be). So the break part will be not actually having to go to class I suppose.

This weekend I get to play catch-up with reading, cleaning, planning....I never really did get myself organized for this semester and now it's almost over. That's how it goes I suppose.

Ah, well, back to work...I'll probably get some more up here later today.

The other side of the story.

Here's one you don't hear that often:

I was talking to my brother the yesterday (he's been back from Iraq for a few months now) and he's hoping to get transferred to another unit so that he can go back to Iraq.

Funny, the media makes it seem as though all the soldiers in Iraq are scrambling to get out.
I really wish some people would learn that the military and civilian mentalities are really distinct. Thinking that they are (or should be) the same is just another form of ethnocentrism.

And the tally hits 19.

I am stressed. I don't remember the last time I was this stressed (I think it was in high school when I had a 30-something page paper that I hadn't really begun researching due in, like, 24 hours). Over the years, I have had so much stress for such long periods that I have gotten used to stress. So much so, that I don't even realize that I am stressed (or becoming stressed) until I am overwhelmingly so. Stress has become part of my life to the point that not being stressed makes me stress. When I don't have a recognizable stressor in front of me, I stress that I am forgetting something I should be stressing over. I hardly recognize most stress, most stress I can (and do) easily handle. When I don't have anything to stress over, I rarely know what to do with myself.

I know I bring a lot on myself. My time management skills are not up to par which is frustrating (and therefore stressful). I also think I may take too much on at a time, but what can I say, I like stress.

I am stressed. I am God's-going-to-handle-this-because-I-know-there-is-no-way-on-earth-in-heaven-or-any-of-the-known-universe-that-I-can-come-anywhere-close-stressed.

and, yes, stress such as this brings out the hyperbole in me

Today's Assignment:

and the government shall be upon His shoulders

Discuss.

Just a quick note

to let you know I haven't fallen off the edge of the world. I've been idle the past week or so. It seems that when I don't have an overwhelming amount of work to do, I don't get much done at all. I run of adrenaline so much that when I finally get a break, I swing into a state of absolute non-productfulness. What did I do last week? I knitted, I cross-stitched, I read some, I went on a baking frenzy...this week I have some things I should be doing, but I need a bonfire under me before I get anything much accomplished.

I do have some other posts in the works, so don't abandon all hope.

Meanwhile, I went for Cajun food tonight (with Cara who is leaving for CA tomorrow {whimper}) and we had gator. Yep, gator. Tastes a lot like calamari. A little tough. I didn't dislike it, but I wasn't terribly impressed (other than the idea of it being gator).

I found my spiral today.

I don't know that you fully understand how truly exciting that is for me.

grrrr (aka: you may not want to read this)

Usually, I'd be in class by now. But not this morning. This morning I get to finish the massive lab report I was up until 3 working on (and by then I had just managed to get all the data in Excel and only compiled five of what is so far 8 graphs).

I am mad that I have to miss History for this.

I am still frustrated with the data itself. It's quite a pain when you don't have the data set you want and realize you can't get the data set you want because nobody wrote it down--except your group--because nobody thought they needed to write it down and your group only did it on a fluke figuring they might as well be as thorough as possible. It's a pain when you realize that of the 15 or so values for each of 32 different data points, half of them still have to be stretched and manipulated in order to come even close to saying anything...and even then they don't say much..."and then there's Statistics."

My graphs show nothing, or nothing much...but as long as I interpret them to say they show nothing I should be ok.

I feel better now.

"I got a mule"

Did anyone else learn the "Erie Canal" song in elementary school, or is that just an Upstate NY thing?

Thrilling

I was complimented on my Lindy tonight.

{grin}

Just thinking

Watching the debate I noticed a key difference between the candidates. I'm not sure how many other people picked it up, but I am sure there is a reason for it (everything is planned out in politics). Did anybody else notice the difference in the water glasses that they used?

Kerry's water glass had a stem and a base, it was almost a goblet. Fancy.

Bush's didn't have a stem, it was tumbler style all the way. Nice and solid, plain with less risk of spillage...

Other than that, I refuse to get sucked in to saying more about the debate. I'm going to hide myself away in something that actually makes sense: my Law of Critical Environmental Areas take-home exam.

Ooo, tonight it's a two-fer.

Maybe it's because it's tired and I'm rambling and I really should get in bed but just don't seem to want to. Maybe this is just a last ditch effort to make it into TSO's weekly pick (I made it twice upon a time). Maybe I'm tired of having all these ideas floating around in my head and need to get them out in some form or another....

I've been thinking a lot recently (there's the problem right there) about how abbreviated my life has become. It seems like there are so many things I have to do that I don't get to really spend as much energy on each thing as I'd like to. I get this list of things and I put forth enough effort into each item to cross it off the list and not much more. This bugs me.

For example, writing. My major doesn't call for much writing and when it does it's all the scientific/technical kind so last week I was actually excited about my History of American Agriculture exam. I was looking forward to it for a couple of reasons. One, it's history (I know, I'm a little off). And, two, it was an essay test (maybe I'm completely daft). I haven't written an essay in a very long time (save, perhaps, posts) and I miss it. I've written papers and reports, but no essays. When the tests were handed out, I could barely contain myself because I knew each question cold. Six essays, seventy-five minutes. Problem is, I could have easily spent over a half hour on each of them, which really bugs me. So I crammed in what information I could and, by the end, it had turned into "Just the facts, ma'am."

I really miss the long version of things. I miss being able to be as creative and rhetorical as I want which is, I think, one of the reasons I started posting in the first place. I need to take fuller advantage of this. Posts have gotten abbreviated, too. I went back and looked at some of my early things ("early," like I've been around all that long) and they were some pretty hefty items.

Conversations have gotten abbreviated. Thoughts. Walking to class--there was a time I would stroll around campus, now I can make it from the Ag quad to Torgeson in 7 minutes flat. I am determined to prevent this from creeping over into my walk. Luckily, I still crave to go deeper.

In a manner of speaking.

I had this book when I was little called God I've gotta Talk to You, it came to mind the other day when I was praying. I don't really remember what the book was about--I think it was a collection of poems and prayers--but the title itself got me to thinking.

First, how great is it to have such a relationship with someone that you don't just want to talk to them, you need to. It's not I want to Talk to You or I'd Like to Talk to You, it's I've Gotta in that there is an intense longing/need/desire. And then, to know that we are able to come before God with our desires, with our fears, with our praise, with anything...that itself is such a gift.

It also got me to thinking of how we express ourselves in prayer. I can ramble on about a lot of things (most of which I know little to nothing about) and I don't really put that much thought into how I am saying what I am saying. When it comes to expressing myself fully and deeply, then eloquence matters to me. It takes me longer to put thoughts together because I want to use just the right word/phrase to capture my full emotion and intent--so sometimes vocalizing my prayer may take a little longer. (On another note, maybe that has something to do with why I don't post very much...it just takes me so long to get my thoughts out to my satisfaction.)

Then I have a couple of friends who are very well-spoken and have (and use) a very impressive vocabulary but hearing them pray is very different from hearing them speak. When they pray their manner of expression is much more simple...

Well, I thought it was interesting at any rate.

Yep, that's my prof:

No need for drugs tonight guys, we've got the section 404 exemption!

And now back to the unbelievable amount of work I have left tonight.

so my lab today consisted of our instructors driving us to the top of a mountain, handing us a compass, a map, and a bag of forestry tools and saying, "meet you at the bottom"

i do love my major

That one hurts.

A friend of mine and her roommate came to swing for the first time last night. With them finally coming and myself getting back (I haven't been in a while) I was really excited. I was thrilled to help them learn, to watch as they learned on their own, and to re-learn things right along with them.

As I was watching both of them having such a good time out on the floor I had one of those moments. It was one of those things of watching something and finally seeing for the first time; the tap on the shoulder/gentle reminder combo that opens your eyes and hits you with a twisting conviction.

I realized that I have yet to be that excited over watching another person's faith. I've rarely (if ever) been so excited about helping someone learn, watching them grow, and learning with them that I just couldn't sit still.

I'm really praying that changes this year. I've already seen some excitement about leading, but nothing compared to this...

Two faced.

Another great game day. The rain was nowhere to be seen. The sun even managed to make an appearance, allowing for me to get sunburn on half of my face....I think I should start rotating during timeouts.

From the "things that make me smile" department:

I was walking behind this guy on the way to class and he actually stopped to look at the flowers.

Judges are funny.

Indeed, as in Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Corp v. [NRDC]...the parties in this litigation have "changed positions as nimbly as if dancing a quadrille."

Avoyelles Sportsmen's League, Inc. v. JohnO. MARSH, Jr., Secretary of the Army, et.al.

Burning brighter.

I was thinking the other day (scary, huh?) about how I've placed so much of an emphasis on passion in my Walk. I've sought passion in my worship, prayed for a burning desire, wanted to see all consuming flames, the whole deal.

I've decided I don't want passion anymore.

Passion is often compared to a fire, a flame, anything that burns really. People want to see impact and change so they think passion is the key. It's not really the important part though, in fact, flames are inconsistent and weak. Think of it this way, when a smith is using his forge, he doesn't stick the iron in the flames. The flames don't give off enough heat to do much to the metal.

No, to get the metal heated to where it can really be worked with, a smith puts it in the coals. The coals are where the work is done because the coals are where you find the most intense heat.

Intensity.

It's intensity where you see the most growth, where you see the most change. It's intensity that allows for the most work to be done. I think there are many that put too much of the emphasis on passion rather than intensity. I think this is also a better explanation than what I gave before for why I decided not to do [nlcf] this year and am forging on. I love the people in the ministry, and I found a ton of passion, but not much intensity. You can get some of the greatest flames from some of the weakest fuel sources. Grasses burn brightly and you can even get some great sound effects from Rhododendron leaves (try it sometime), but they are nothing compared to the heat of coke. (Yes, I did my research. Hot enough to incinerate metal? You can't get that from your average bonfire.)

Really, if you want to force the metaphor further, fuel/intensity's external manifestation with proper catalyst/Holy Spirit is flame/passion. So by diligently (post on "diligence" coming soon) seeking intensity, passion will follow.

I'm pinging on and on (ok, I'll stop), but I really feel like I've gone from apprentice to journeyman here.

Digital Dropbox rocks.

Today has been a good day.

Got up at eight this morning (this after getting in at 3:15am from "Girls' night") to make a pie for the guys. I, and some of the other girls in Navs, have a standing agreement with the guys in Navs that if they bring us fruit, it will be returned to them in baked-good form. I.E., the guys brought me apples, I made them apple pie. Now I wonder if they'll figure out that this goes for other main ingredients as well. Ex: chocolate chips yield chocolate chip cookies, walnuts yield blonde brownies (ooh, I think I'll have to make some of those tonight myself), etc.

I love baking, especially apple pies because I get to use my Grandma's recipe and I get to make the cool foil ring for which I have just nearly perfected the technique. So the day started off really well, but I don't think this is about that.

As soon as the pie was done, I headed to campus for the first home game of the season. The guys painted up, we played Western Michigan, it was a shut-out game 63-0. Poor, poor Michigan (pronounced Mitchigin). Go Hokies!

But I don't think this is about that either.

For some reason I felt like walking home from the game. It took me about an hour to get from the stadium to my apartment. That's what this is about.

My walk today gave me a really great opportunity to get some prayer in, the best prayer time I've had in a while actually. Neat how God tends to work things.

I don't think I'm all that great at expressing emotions. I don't often cry at movies. I often seem disinterested or withdrawn when I am actually intently focused on the situation. I often seem apathetic when I am really excited and/or eager. I think that may be the INFP in me.

So this afternoon I realized for the first time how excited I am with where I am in my walk with God. Thinking about all that God's been working on with me, what all He has to teach me, what all there is for me to learn was just amazing. Talking things through, talking things over appears to be what I've been needing. By the time I got home I was just about bursting.

So, yes. Today was a very good day.

Sometimes I don't think I'll ever be used to being a girl, then I consider the alternative.

Technical Difficulties

T and I were supposed to meet with our bible study Discipleship Ministry Team for the first time tonight. Yeah, didn't happen.

We were supposed to start with two girls in the group but neither of them came. So, we stopped by their rooms to check in on them and see if they were still interested or not. Turns out that one was working on homework and the other realized that she is going to have too much on her plate this semester and won't be able to commit to Navs. We are down to one girl in the study, and it seems that her priority this semester will be academics. I think that she's interested in joining a group but really doesn't have the desire to.

The lack of a DMT tonight gave T and I the opportunity to talk about the situation. It was interesting that we both seemed to be saying exactly what was on the other's mind.

While we would both love to lead a study this semester, we'd be just as happy in leadership without one. We'd love to be able to plan some get-togethers and help with the women's ministry. Really, we just want to serve however God would want us to.

The way we figure it, the difficulties we've been having getting a study together are one of two things. One, we are being attacked and the delays are a way to weaken our confidence and keep us thinking that we aren't ready to be leading a study. Or, two, we aren't supposed to be leading this semester but God is using this to prepare us for leading either in a study situation or another area of ministry.

Either way, it's been a little frustrating. We'll see what God has in store...

Wednesday's Wisdom:

If God meant for water to be frozen, we'd all be crystaline based. It's unnatural, except in a cocktail.

--Shep

We'll just glide, starry eyed.

I got a Classic Sinatra cd this weekend. It's been going pretty much non-stop since I got home. Hence why I'm behind on my reading for class. I'd much rather dance around the apartment.

I also saw this disc set that was "The Best of the Rat Pack," or something like that. Alas, funds would not allow the acquisition. Oh well, one more thing to add to my Christmas list (oh yes, it's already open and taking requests).

Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong decade. Really. I love the Rat Pack, Fred Astaire, Bing Crosby, Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant, Gene Kelly, oooh and Danny Kaye.....Sigh

But then again, I suppose it's great to be alive now because I have the greatest sampling of past greatness. Great. Really.

Yeah, I'll stop now. (I bet you're thinking that's great.)

I have a hard hat

and that's about as cool as you can get.

By the way

I'm exhausted. (I know, by the end of last semester I was still considering O'dark hundred an "early evening" but I've been reconfiguring my sleeping patterns all summer. Gimme a break.)

Anyway, the only reason I'm up at my computer right now rather than being up in my bed... sinking into slumber.......under my nice, cozy blanket.........with my cushy, feather pillow...................

Sorry. Where was I?

The only reason I'm up is because of the wonderful new lottery system that Tech has decided to implement for football tickets. I figure I might as well get it out of the way tonight because I'll probably forget tomorrow. And I'd rather stay up and get it taken care of than scramble before the dead line. Wow, I've never said that before.

Anyway, off to enter the draft.

Sending out along the lines.

I could use some prayer. For discipline if nothing else. I've always had to struggle to reach goals and I have plenty I am working on for this semester.

For one thing, my GPA is at a lifetime low. I've a 3.25 which is nothing to sneer at but, to me, is painful. Never have I let my academics slip so much as I did last semester. What kills most is that I know I could have done better. So this semester I am determined to make it through knowing that I've done my honest best.

Aside from that, my greatest goals are spiritual. I am nowhere near satisfied (and may I never be completely so) in my walk with Christ. I lack consistency in my quiet times, I lack discipline in my study, I lack diligence in my prayers. Not that there are quotas to be met, but I'd like to get to the point where these areas are reliable, where they become second nature (or first, I should say) rather than afterthought.

I feel like I've been off track for a while, I lost my focus last semester. It's time for a realignment.

and this is what I fantasize about...

While I haven't the slightest idea of what I want to do with my Wildlife Science degree, I do know the where. I have this dream of an office with this marvelous wooden desk and one of those green-shaded desk lamps. I see the walls covered in bookcases filled with dusty books, specimens, collections from my travels. I see me traveling the world, or at least Europe and South America, but always having one place to call home. I see a door with frosted glass and my name in black stenciling....

Now the chances of me getting something like that without at least a Masters are slim, but it could happen. I went to the National Zoo with my parents a couple of weeks ago and there, in the science center, I saw my desk...complete with lamp. I'd love to intern there but, alas, those internships are not paid, not even the slightest stipend.

Maybe I should quit the Wildlife thing entirely and work in a library, at least then I'd have the dusty books.

I have some of the coolest classes.

A couple of quotes from my History textbook, American Agriculture: A Brief History:

Agricultural histories that use this technique are invariably dull.


canal building...must have been excruciatingly hard work

You don't say.

Back to the books.

Well, not yet. Classes start tomorrow and right now I should be unpacking but I really hate putting clothes away so I'm stalling....

Anyway, a quick rundown of the academic challenges ahead this semester:
Physical Geology--Shouldn't actually be that hard (except for the rocks). I'm only taking this because "they" decided to change the requirements for my major and now it is required.

Technical Writing--Another class I'm only taking because "they" say so (just who are "they" anyway). I actually had signed up for it last semester but I dropped it after the first day of class because I knew there was no way I would be able to do well in it with all the other things I was taking at the time.

Survey of Forest Ecology and Management (and lab)--This one should actually be interesting. Any class that requires you to have a hard-hat automatically starts out with a load of cool points.

History of American Agriculture--The first history class I'll be taking for the minor I am adding. I really love History, I'm just not that good at it. Did I ever mention that, after a biological/life science, History would be my second choice as a major?

Law of Critical Environmental Areas--I think that I'm most excited about this class. From what I've heard about it, the teacher is awesome. Plus, from reading the syllabus, the midterm and final exams are take-home. I've never had a take-home exam before, this should be nice.

Ok, enough stalling for now. When I've got a little more done I may come back and right about church. I went to my friends' house church this morning and I really enjoyed it.

Things that rock:
- Cocoa puffs
- Wireless internet
- Having my own room this year
- Being within walking distance of Carol Lee
- The surround-sound my roommate's fiance just installed

Things that don't:
- My bed being about 3 inches too close to the ceiling (but that can be fixed)
- That song that plays from 6:30 to 7:something every morning. It comes from the apartment downstairs, I think, and sounds too much like an ice cream truck.
- Having the water-heater in my closet (but I'll get used to it).


As you can see, my internet is up and I am at least in my apartment now, although nowhere near organized.

Well, with the difficulties my internet has been giving me (as in being completely out the past couple of days) and the probability that we will be losing power later today (what with Charlie headed for us and all), it is going to be rather unlikely that I will be able to post much (which shouldn't make that much of a stir since the amount of people actually visiting this site has bottomed out over the summer) until Thursday (when I move up to my apartment) or, more likely Friday (when my DSL will be hooked up); although, with the shuffle of moving, in it may not even be until next Sunday (when I should be just about settled and ready for classes) before I manage to get back into a regular posting cycle.

And all in one sentence, too. (I do so like being parenthetical.)

Memo:

To the athletes seen tonight in the Parade of Nations,

Olive wreaths are to be given to those who medal in the games. They are to be respected as a symbol of the original Olympics and a sign of achievement.

Wearing self-crafted wreaths that you have not earned is disrespectful to those running the games, fellow athletes, and what the wreaths stand for.

I would imagine that, at the ancient games, such insolence as wearing a an undeserved wreath would result in some sort of censure, maybe even physical punishment. Maybe we should bring back those traditions as well.

--E

Re:Recent Difficulties with Blogger

Continually having to [stop]
becoming frustrated. Being [stop]
-ped
In the middle of each action [stop]
I am [stop]
-ped
and sent to [stop]
at the sign-in screen. (Oh look, I didn't have to [stop]
. Nevermind.) [stop]
That is if I am not [stop]
-ped in the first place, not even being allowed to start, let alone [stop]
a post. [stop]
Hoping it will all [stop]
soon.

Yours, etc.
---E [stop]

"It burns, it burns, it freezes."

This weekend we (the summer interns and our coordinator) went to the shore. We stayed in Cape May at Julie's uncle's house...Julie has connections. It seems like she has a cousin for everything. Want some free dirt? Julie can find it. Want a great recipe? Hold on, she'll get her phone. Need directions to a sporting event in another town? She's got somebody who can get you there.

Ok, enough of that tangent. Julie is great.

This is really about the weekend. We spent Saturday at the shore and, despite multiple applications of sunscreen, we all came home crisped. Bad. High on our priority list Saturday evening was finding aloe. But we are doing well now. The sunburn has lessoned. Tenderness should be gone in a day or so. For most of us, at least. I, being the fairest of them all, managed to blister. I know, not good. Especially when one has a history of skin cancer in the family. But at least I know what borderline sun-stroke feels like.

I'll be fine. Just don't touch me. Or my aloe.

Another tense situation came up this weekend as well. This one, between the two most opposite personalities in our group, has actually been building all summer. The one is a planner, likes to know what's going on when, likes to have at least a skeleton schedule set out. Still, despite the appearance of Type A organization, he really isn't as structured as he seems. He just isn't as loose as the other person. (Wow, I'm being rather vague.) Person 2 is the most spontaneous (and liberal) person here. She likes to go do rather than stand around and make decisions. She doesn't do the whole let's-make-a-plan thing. The fact that Person 1 likes to have plans drives her crazy.

Hence the problem at the shore. Persons 1, 2, and 3 were on the boardwalk making a decision. Person 1 wanted to decide and then act, Person 2 wanted to act and decide on the way. Person 3 has a problem with conflict. Person 3 decided they were both grown adults and stepped aside because I didn't want to get in the middle of it.

It has been interesting to watch their interactions this summer. I think both have been doing a lot of compromising. Frankly, I'm surprised we didn't have problems earlier. I keep thinking, though, of that verse--the one about being all things to all men--and how it's not just important for witnessing to non-believers. It is important in fellowship with believers as well.

I'm still chewing over this one. More to come.

I think I've lost something somewhere along the way and I'm not exactly sure what it was. If I happen across it again, you'll be the first to know. For now I'll just keep on and hope that it shows up again.

Really.

There have been quite a few things lately that I've missed that I didn't know I had lost. Like when did I stop posting things that required any thought? Or when did I stop being so avid in my reading? When did some of this "norm" become acceptable?

I am determined to prevent some things from dripping away. I still love walking in the rain. I still love sitting on the steps. I still cry at some children's books (like The Lorax).

I love my life. I'm excited to serve where God has me. There are just some things I don't want to see slipping away.

Dr. Hummer said, "Hmmm!"

I love my bed. Really, I do. To the point where there has got to be some sort of psychological diagnosis for this sort of thing. My bed and I, we get along swell. First thing I do when I go up to my room at night is say "Hi bed." My housemate can attest to this.

Country Girl, City Girl

I could get used to this whole so-many-cultures-and-opportunities-at-your-fingertips thing.

Saturday we went to a great little Korean market. I managed to find some rice milk (which I love) and white peaches (which aren't quite ripe yet but I can't wait to try).   The market was followed by dinner at a soft tofu soup place.  Korean food rocks.  Although I have a feeling that my number 3-medium spicy was mixed up with the number 4-more spicy at the table.  It was good, but I think I'll enjoy it more if I go down a step.

Yesterday we went to Jomar, a great discount store in Kensington (Kinsingten, Kensingten...um, yeah).  Vintage fabric for $2 a yard.  Good deal.  I think I went overboard a bit.  But I'll find something to use it for.  I mean, there are tons of things that orange paisleys are good for.

To: Erika Lee

And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
--Kahlil Gibran--

Of course, I have no idea who Kahlil Gibran is/was, this was just on the e-card my mom sent me. I love my mommy.

I'm not gonna and you can't make me.

Update

From the "truth is stranger than fiction" category:

My brother is home safe from Iraq. Now he gets to clean up the mess that has been waiting for him. Seems his wife (who may not actually be his wife at all because she may not legally be divorced from one or more of her previous 3 husbands of whom my brother knew only of 1) went off her rocker (if she was ever on to begin with). Not that I can really judge her as I've never met her and know only that which my brother relays to us.

The woman did give away my brother's dog, which is unforgivable. You can do a lot of things to a man, but never mess with a man's dog. That's just wrong...especially when it is a Weimaraner he's had since it was a pup.

My brother is doing well. He got a new puppy, this one is a bloodhound.

Yes...maybe...I think.

It seems I live in a state of constant confusion.

Nothing is ever really finished, or started for that matter. The more I try to figure out what is going on, the less I ever understand.

Randomness, utter randomness.

Notice these things are only a problem when I try to sort things out on my own. Probably a great way of keeping my pride in check...imagine what I would be like if I wasn't faking and really did know what was going on half the time.

Nice to know that God has things under control and that they do make sense in some round about way. Eclectic is good.

Pulling together (aka: I should teach my kids this story.)

I spent and hour watching ants Saturday night. Actually, that wasn't the main focus of my time...we were talking to "Sly." He befriended our group last Tuesday, I think, and has been around a few times since then. He's had marital problems and is now (from what he says) living in a van a few blocks away. He is always so glad to run into us, especially his "buddies" (the guys in our group) and, while he has been intoxicated each time we've met, it is amazing to know that God is working in his life.

So back to these ants...while we were talking with Sly I noticed a group of ants on the porch trying their hardest to deal with a piece of a potato chip. I thought, as I watched those ants, what a great model that is for fellowship, for the Christian body, especially for the situation we are in with Sly. (I was thinking about a lot more but there is such a thing as too personal to blog...)

Anyway, back to the analogy. Now I know it is probably elementary and I know that the comparison has to have been made again and again...but bear with me.

When I started watching the ants there was one ant tugging at the chip. He would pull for a while, stop to check things out, and then get back to work. He really wasn't making much progress. But then another ant came over, and another, and soon enough there were quite a few working to get the chip into the hole. They got it there in no time.

Great, so working together, supporting each other we can bear our burdens more easily. We can pull through when it seems hopeless. We can encourage each other to accomplish that which is set before them.

That's not where the ants stopped, though. The next problem was getting it into the hole. The chip was far too big to fit. The only way to move on was to break the chip into smaller pieces and deal with one bit at a time.

Things seem so overwhelming to us that we feel there is nothing more to be done. What we need to do is break the problem into more manageable chunks.

Right, so that's the ants. It's simple, and maybe even pointless, but I love the way things work in God's kingdom. I love that so many things are mirrored in the world around us.

Like how trees reaffirm my faith. When you look at something so massive as an oak, especially when you know how it works, what it takes for that tree to survive even a day, you know it is too perfect to happen by chance.

Wait, tangent, sorry. I know it's simple, I know it's childish but when you've been working with 7 year-olds for a week, simple = good.

And the heavens were opened.

All day long we've been fighting the floodwaters here at FDCS. It's been raining the whole day long; canceling some people's morning run as well as (yikes) our Monday trip to the pool.

The basement classrooms have also flooded and the flood is creeping through the halls and into the very office from which I write. The door has been sufficiently barricaded, I think, to prevent far greater catastrophe--we all know just how well water and electronics mix.

Ask any parent or teacher and they will tell you that a child's behavior is often directly correlated to current weather conditions. Today was no exception. I was, however, able to harness the opportunity, take full advantage of the downpour, and teach my kids the Water-Cycle song and dance.

They think I'm crazy.

I'm ok with that.

Today's post brought to you by:

the words boldness and sincerity.

They've been sticking out to me lately, those two words. They come to mind at random times, they are sometimes all I hear in a conversation. (Those and patience and frustration, but for five entirely different reasons.)

Anyway, there has to be some grand correlation between the two. I'm thinking both are essential for effective ministry.

More to come.

Me and the boys

I'm still not quite sure what to think about what I wrote yesterday. It is true, but...I just don't want it to come across that everything is just peachy keen, not to say that it isn't because it is, I just...ok, I give up trying to figure it out. Something just isn't sitting right with me, probably more of a semantic rather than substantive issue.

Forgive me, my brain has already strayed from the ways of big people talk. I find that I'm having to correct myself and speak in complete sentences with at least some hint of a varied vocabulary.

For the past couple of days my class has consisted of five boys: three going into first grade and two into second. These boys are going to wear me out, but I do love them. One of them told me yesterday that Cocoa Puffs and Reese's Puffs were brothers. This is the same one who is determined that everybody is somebody's cousin. Ok, so that may be...but what he comes up with is beyond me.

My attention span must be shortening as well, I've forgotten what all I wanted to write. Next you know my speling is going to slip.

By this they shall know.

There is this great song that goes: "I love to be in Your presence, with Your people, singing praises." I may have used it before, but it truly is one of my favorite songs mostly because it is absolutely true. My favorite places are in God's presence and with His people.

I love His people. Sure we have our moments, but there is that dynamic when you are among people who are truly seeking God, truly following after Him. It's like that X factor that Keegan talks about.

It is amazing, that we each other. Only His love, grace, wisdom would bring such mixes together. Take the summer intern group here in Chester--there are personalities, characteristics, idiosyncrasies that in any other group would have already led to discussion, conflict, and battle. True for many a group of Christians living and working together. But that we, bound and unified by His very blood, can look past so much and love through all so long as we hold this Truth..it is testimony in itself to His wonder and might. By this they shall know.

All packed up..

and ready to go. That's right. I'm off to Chester for the rest of the summer. Or just about all of it. I come home in August, have a week here, then turn around and move back up to Tech. My oh my.

As always, prayers would be wonderful. Pray for the ministry, the children, our sanity...

I say it's an art.

I have this uncanny ability to make a mess out of just about any situation.

Latest example: I bought a wireless card and router for my laptop, they had some amazing rebates with them. Two of the rebates asked for copies of the UPCs, two asked for the originals. So yesterday I made copies. I even made extra copies so I would still have some on hand in case I ever needed them. Yep, lots of copies. No originals. Left them in the copier at CopyMax. Didn't realize it until I went to bed last night.

Oh yeah, I am that good.

Post 100.

Yep, this is the 100th post on this site (or so my counter tells me) and you would think there would be something special--maybe a "What I've learned thus far" post or something of the like--but, no.

Well, as I said, I've gotten a cell phone. As cool as it is, it is also a bit sad. See, not having a cell phone had been a matter of pride. I was holding out, not giving in to the mass communication frenzy. Oh well, next thing you know, I'll be walking around with one of these.

*shudder*

May it never be.

On the up-side of recent purchases, I found a whole bunch of DVDs for $0.99. I say His Girl Friday, The Inspector General, Road to Bali, and At War with the Army are great ways to start a DVD collection.

Just a phrase or two.

There are some lyrics that I just can't get out of my head.

"I am a soldier, trying to be one"

"And my eyes they look unto You always, and I am captured by Your majesty"

"Given a chance and a rock, see which one breaks a window; and see which one keeps me up all night and into the day."

Ooo Shiny!

Check out my new toy.

Just because it's been a while.

I am, of course, none other than blank verse. I don't know where I'm going, yes, quite right; And when I get there (if I ever do) I might not recognize it. So? Your point? Why should I have a destination set? I'm relatively happy as I am, And wouldn't want to be forever aimed Towards some future path or special goal. It's not to do with laziness, as such. It's just that one the whole I'd rather not Be bothered - so I drift contentedly; An underrated way of life, I find. What Poetry Form Are You?

Well, most of the stuff I've written is blank verse, or free verse, or some combination of the two. Not that it's that good or anything, or that I'll be subjecting you to any of it.

Grate Expectations

All the shopping I've been doing for my apartment has been very exciting. I'm getting all sorts of wonderful things, most of which are for my kitchen. (Well, not "my" kitchen, I will have a roommate.)

The hardest part of it all has been determining what I really need and what can wait. Example: I need a deep-dish pie plate, the 8 quart pot I want can wait. If you really think about it, I could probably get by with much less. I could probably manage with just a microwave, that's all I had last year and I made it through just fine. But I'm a girl. And I like to cook. So there.

The most exciting things I've gotten by far have been my canister set, my food/rice steamer, and my Rubbermaid Fold-Away(tm)grater, which is just totally awesome...I mean, it folds! How cool is that?

I don't really have that much left on my list of things I need. I still need a set of pans, a desk and chair, a dresser, a bookcase, a barstool...Ok, so maybe I need a bit more than I thought, but I've got a while before moving in, so I'm good, really.

Question:

Is there such a thing as a dishonest mistake?

Grin and bear it.

I had a dental appointment this week where they "found" a pit in the side of one of my molars that I've had since as long as I can remember. It's not a cavity, it's just the way my tooth formed. Like I said, it's always been there, but now my dentist has decided to do something about it. They couldn't have fixed any other time, no, they had to wait until scheduling was tight for me (as I'll only be in town another week).

I have a feeling it's just because this time I had a new hygenist, who turned out to be one of the best I've ever had. She wasn't the first new person to ever work on my teeth. From moving and insurance changes, I have had so many dentists in my life I can't even number them. There have been at least 4 since I've lived in Virginia (and three of them are all at the same office). It's not the dentist that bothers me though, it's the hygenists. They cause the most damage. They're the ones that are in charge of the actual polishing. I hate that thing; the polisher thing that they put that toothgrit on. Give me the drill any day, that I don't mind, but the polisher...ugh.

I know, it's weird. But this comes from the same person who doesn't mind needles but hates getting prepped for the shot.

In other recent events, I've been copying down all of my favorite recipes and ran across a few of Grandma's "specialties." You gotta love a recipe that calls for a whole jar of Cheese Whiz.

Ok, I'm rather proud of this one.

Chinese Restaurant Menu: "Williamsburg's Famouse All-You-Can-Eat Buffet"

My mom: You would think the printers would have caught that.

Me: Maybe their Engrish isn't too great either.

Well, that's one thing done.

I got my hair cut today. I only took off seven inches, so it's still not what most people would consider short, but it's enough of a change for me. My hair had gotten long enough that it was past my waistline, long enough that my hairdresser had to have me stand so she could reach to cut, long enough that I could say it was only seven inches.

But this isn't about hair (or haircuts), it's that I actually did something. I have been pretty non-productive since I've been home which, in a way, is wonderful. But I have done more these past three days--since my mom has been home--than I've done the entire month I've been here. I can't get away with being lazy, which is good.

I've noticed that I have the bad habit of taking on too many things at once. Actually, I don't take on multiple things at the same time...I start one thing and then, before I finish, I start another, and another, and another....so nothing ever really gets done (kind of like this sentence). Take books for example, right now I am reading four different books. (I have a feeling that the number is actually higher but there are some books that I haven't touched in such a long time that I've forgotten I was reading them.) Crafts too: I've got two scarves, a sampler, and a set of lamps that I'm working on. I have lists and lists of lists of things that are "in progress" so when I manage to finish something it's a pleasant surprise.

I have started change things. I set three of the four books aside to concentrate on one (Sinclair Lewis' Babbitt). I'm working on one scarf. I'm getting myself to focus on one thing at a time. I have a problem with finishing things, but I'm working on it.

Una mezcla:

Thy words were found and I ate them, and Thy words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; for I have been called by Thy name, O Lord God of hosts.
--Jeremiah 15:16


He who will not command his thoughts will soon lose command of his actions.
--Woodrow Wilson


"You need a Sugar-Daddy to keep you in the life to which you are accustomed."
--My dad

To kill a rat...

No, I haven't fallen off the edge of the world.

The other recent drama at my house (outside of my brother's marriage) has been our rat, Solu. Ok, technically she is my mom's rat...but still...She had this tumor on her stomach for a couple of months and this past week it reached the point where it doubled her size. The best thing for it is to put her (and my mom) out of her misery so it's been a lot like Throw Mama from the Train around here. My mom even tried to give her an overdose of codene (we just happened to have some lying around) but she wouldn't down any more than would give her a buzz. Somebody suggested sticking her in the freezer, but the idea was dismissed because it would take to long and was downright cold.

It's a sad, sad thing when you get to the point where you are hoping to find a pet dead...

My dad took care of things yesterday.

This is the second time we've wished for one of our pets to die (the other was a hamster that was a good 5 or 6 years old). I think there is something wrong with my family.

Casualties of War

It seems that my brother's wife has had some sort of a breakdown. They've been married for just over a year now and much of that time has been spent apart. Him being in Iraq has pushed her just a little too far. From what he tells us, she has told her father that she is moving to Richmond (from Louisiana) to go to school, that his whole life is a lie--he isn't really a pilot and he really isn't in Iraq and has been having an affair.

So now we are worried about her because she needs counseling. My brother is having to go through another crumbling marriage...the difference being now he knows that God is the only one who can hold the pieces together.

Anyway, my brother isn't scheduled to be back until July or October and chances are he can't get emergency leave for this. Needless to say, they can use all the prayer they can get.

Today's Quote

Edgar Hewett writing on archaeological finds in his book Ancient Andean Life:

Fragments of pottery, basketry, fabrics, wearing apparel, bits of modeling, faded touches of color, record the age-long striving after perfection. Shattered temples, shrines, sanctuaries, holy places, reveal the yearning of the human spirit to find, to unite with, the Divine. By way of ritual, rhythm, song, and symbol, man approaches the deific presence.

And from the beverage world...

So I've mentioned before that I like Cheerwine. I must have a thing for weird beverages because my favorite brand has to be Jones Soda. They have some really awesome flavors, and the best cream soda I've ever had...

One of the cool things about the brand is they use random pictures on their labels. And they have fun sayings under the cap. This weekend's Green Apple soda came with this advice:

Get excited over nothing.

Indeed I shall.

...

I think today was the first time I've ever had a problem with something my pastor has said in service.

I actually agree with what he said: that most people who claim to be anti-war are really just anti-Bush; that we are called to pray for our leaders whether we agree with them or not. I share the same opinion as he does on the war, the president, our armed forces...I'm proudly patriotic. I just feel he could have found a more appropriate forum for expression than from behind the pulpit.

Call me crazy, but when I go to church it's to hear the Word, not a patriotic pep talk.