My time as of late has been devoted to two things: repacking all my stuff and raising support for my coming year in Vermont. Right now, it's a toss-up as to which is the more stressful of the two.
I think this weekend I hit the dreaded fundraising wall. Reviewing my accounts, I realized that I have less than three weeks to raise my support and I'm only at 30%....and 30% of $25000 isn't that big of a dent. For the first time, I think I'm feeling the full weight of how big a task this really is and, while I know God is the ultimate provider and He will see this through, it's becoming more and more of a challenge to trust each day the mailman shows up empty-handed.
I had a hard time focusing the first few days of my training in June. Mainly because I was terrified for some reason that I couldn't quite put my finger on. So, as I often confront my fears, I took a walk. I found myself, needing to be reminded of just how powerful God is, sitting in the cleft of a rock. There He revealed my fears. Not knowing exactly what scared me, I had been claiming it was the fundraising, or the new challenge, or the unknown that I was uncertain of. In truth, at the core, I was afraid that the bottom was going to fall out. Like so many times in my life, I was really afraid to invest anything (emotionally or otherwise) because deep down I was waiting for the other shoe to drop (one more cliche anyone?). But God took me through everything that I was founding that fear on and showed me that each time I had been putting my hope in man. I remembered Numbers 23:19 (yay TMS) and how God is not man (thankfully so). I don't have to fear disappointment from God.
Now that I'm somewhat stressed about my support, I was going through journals, posts and the like looking for reminders of God's faithfulness in past when I ran across this one. A year and a half ago, I talked about not knowing where my heart was but feeling it was important that my heart was in whatever plan God had for me. Cheesy as it sounds, this is the first time in a long time I can say my heart is completely in something. I am looking forward to ministering at the University of Vermont and all the triumphs and frustrations that may entail. I am looking forward to late nights and early mornings, to being physically and emotionally exhausted, to long conversations (both giggly and otherwise). I am even looking forward to our first team conflict and the growth that will come from working through it. I know I really shouldn't set expectations since I have no idea what to expect, but my heart is already there.
It's just a matter of the rest of me catching up. So, three weeks, lots of phone calls, and more envelopes than I care to mention...
Now to get all serious: While I'm on the topic of support for the coming year, if you'd like to help, send me an email and I'll get you all the information you could possibly want (and more!) or you could head to the Nav site, look me up, and give a call to donate.