Quote of the day:

This one from Shaun Groves:

Worship is not a song. Worship is my response to God with all that I am to all that He is, all that He has done, is doing, and will do in me, through me, around me, and in spite of me, but it's not just a song. Worship is our response with all of our lives, everything that we've been given to all that God is. And so, if we come in here in this place and we raise our hands and we raise our voices, but we don't stretch these hands out when we leave this place to feed the hungry and clothe the naked and fight for the poor and the oppressed, then what you and I have done is worshiped a singer or a song, but not a God.

Update

My, I've got some catching up to do. Apologies for how sparse it's been around here lately, I've been testing a hypothesis. Seems if I actually turn my computer off on ocassion, I don't waste nearly as much time obsesively checking emails and away messages. I do, however, manage to find other ways to waste my time.

A run-down of recent happenings:
Thanksgiving break is just about a week away and I've had back to back tests. I certainly am ready for a break, although I've got three papers to write for when I get back, one of which I still have to schedule interviews for, one I still have no topic for, and all of which I have more research than I can fathom left to collect. Oh yeah, and I'm in charge of Thanksgiving dinner (because I want to be). So the break part will be not actually having to go to class I suppose.

This weekend I get to play catch-up with reading, cleaning, planning....I never really did get myself organized for this semester and now it's almost over. That's how it goes I suppose.

Ah, well, back to work...I'll probably get some more up here later today.

The other side of the story.

Here's one you don't hear that often:

I was talking to my brother the yesterday (he's been back from Iraq for a few months now) and he's hoping to get transferred to another unit so that he can go back to Iraq.

Funny, the media makes it seem as though all the soldiers in Iraq are scrambling to get out.
I really wish some people would learn that the military and civilian mentalities are really distinct. Thinking that they are (or should be) the same is just another form of ethnocentrism.

And the tally hits 19.

I am stressed. I don't remember the last time I was this stressed (I think it was in high school when I had a 30-something page paper that I hadn't really begun researching due in, like, 24 hours). Over the years, I have had so much stress for such long periods that I have gotten used to stress. So much so, that I don't even realize that I am stressed (or becoming stressed) until I am overwhelmingly so. Stress has become part of my life to the point that not being stressed makes me stress. When I don't have a recognizable stressor in front of me, I stress that I am forgetting something I should be stressing over. I hardly recognize most stress, most stress I can (and do) easily handle. When I don't have anything to stress over, I rarely know what to do with myself.

I know I bring a lot on myself. My time management skills are not up to par which is frustrating (and therefore stressful). I also think I may take too much on at a time, but what can I say, I like stress.

I am stressed. I am God's-going-to-handle-this-because-I-know-there-is-no-way-on-earth-in-heaven-or-any-of-the-known-universe-that-I-can-come-anywhere-close-stressed.

and, yes, stress such as this brings out the hyperbole in me

Today's Assignment:

and the government shall be upon His shoulders

Discuss.

Just a quick note

to let you know I haven't fallen off the edge of the world. I've been idle the past week or so. It seems that when I don't have an overwhelming amount of work to do, I don't get much done at all. I run of adrenaline so much that when I finally get a break, I swing into a state of absolute non-productfulness. What did I do last week? I knitted, I cross-stitched, I read some, I went on a baking frenzy...this week I have some things I should be doing, but I need a bonfire under me before I get anything much accomplished.

I do have some other posts in the works, so don't abandon all hope.

Meanwhile, I went for Cajun food tonight (with Cara who is leaving for CA tomorrow {whimper}) and we had gator. Yep, gator. Tastes a lot like calamari. A little tough. I didn't dislike it, but I wasn't terribly impressed (other than the idea of it being gator).

I found my spiral today.

I don't know that you fully understand how truly exciting that is for me.

grrrr (aka: you may not want to read this)

Usually, I'd be in class by now. But not this morning. This morning I get to finish the massive lab report I was up until 3 working on (and by then I had just managed to get all the data in Excel and only compiled five of what is so far 8 graphs).

I am mad that I have to miss History for this.

I am still frustrated with the data itself. It's quite a pain when you don't have the data set you want and realize you can't get the data set you want because nobody wrote it down--except your group--because nobody thought they needed to write it down and your group only did it on a fluke figuring they might as well be as thorough as possible. It's a pain when you realize that of the 15 or so values for each of 32 different data points, half of them still have to be stretched and manipulated in order to come even close to saying anything...and even then they don't say much..."and then there's Statistics."

My graphs show nothing, or nothing much...but as long as I interpret them to say they show nothing I should be ok.

I feel better now.

"I got a mule"

Did anyone else learn the "Erie Canal" song in elementary school, or is that just an Upstate NY thing?

Thrilling

I was complimented on my Lindy tonight.

{grin}

Just thinking

Watching the debate I noticed a key difference between the candidates. I'm not sure how many other people picked it up, but I am sure there is a reason for it (everything is planned out in politics). Did anybody else notice the difference in the water glasses that they used?

Kerry's water glass had a stem and a base, it was almost a goblet. Fancy.

Bush's didn't have a stem, it was tumbler style all the way. Nice and solid, plain with less risk of spillage...

Other than that, I refuse to get sucked in to saying more about the debate. I'm going to hide myself away in something that actually makes sense: my Law of Critical Environmental Areas take-home exam.

Ooo, tonight it's a two-fer.

Maybe it's because it's tired and I'm rambling and I really should get in bed but just don't seem to want to. Maybe this is just a last ditch effort to make it into TSO's weekly pick (I made it twice upon a time). Maybe I'm tired of having all these ideas floating around in my head and need to get them out in some form or another....

I've been thinking a lot recently (there's the problem right there) about how abbreviated my life has become. It seems like there are so many things I have to do that I don't get to really spend as much energy on each thing as I'd like to. I get this list of things and I put forth enough effort into each item to cross it off the list and not much more. This bugs me.

For example, writing. My major doesn't call for much writing and when it does it's all the scientific/technical kind so last week I was actually excited about my History of American Agriculture exam. I was looking forward to it for a couple of reasons. One, it's history (I know, I'm a little off). And, two, it was an essay test (maybe I'm completely daft). I haven't written an essay in a very long time (save, perhaps, posts) and I miss it. I've written papers and reports, but no essays. When the tests were handed out, I could barely contain myself because I knew each question cold. Six essays, seventy-five minutes. Problem is, I could have easily spent over a half hour on each of them, which really bugs me. So I crammed in what information I could and, by the end, it had turned into "Just the facts, ma'am."

I really miss the long version of things. I miss being able to be as creative and rhetorical as I want which is, I think, one of the reasons I started posting in the first place. I need to take fuller advantage of this. Posts have gotten abbreviated, too. I went back and looked at some of my early things ("early," like I've been around all that long) and they were some pretty hefty items.

Conversations have gotten abbreviated. Thoughts. Walking to class--there was a time I would stroll around campus, now I can make it from the Ag quad to Torgeson in 7 minutes flat. I am determined to prevent this from creeping over into my walk. Luckily, I still crave to go deeper.

In a manner of speaking.

I had this book when I was little called God I've gotta Talk to You, it came to mind the other day when I was praying. I don't really remember what the book was about--I think it was a collection of poems and prayers--but the title itself got me to thinking.

First, how great is it to have such a relationship with someone that you don't just want to talk to them, you need to. It's not I want to Talk to You or I'd Like to Talk to You, it's I've Gotta in that there is an intense longing/need/desire. And then, to know that we are able to come before God with our desires, with our fears, with our praise, with anything...that itself is such a gift.

It also got me to thinking of how we express ourselves in prayer. I can ramble on about a lot of things (most of which I know little to nothing about) and I don't really put that much thought into how I am saying what I am saying. When it comes to expressing myself fully and deeply, then eloquence matters to me. It takes me longer to put thoughts together because I want to use just the right word/phrase to capture my full emotion and intent--so sometimes vocalizing my prayer may take a little longer. (On another note, maybe that has something to do with why I don't post very much...it just takes me so long to get my thoughts out to my satisfaction.)

Then I have a couple of friends who are very well-spoken and have (and use) a very impressive vocabulary but hearing them pray is very different from hearing them speak. When they pray their manner of expression is much more simple...

Well, I thought it was interesting at any rate.

Yep, that's my prof:

No need for drugs tonight guys, we've got the section 404 exemption!

And now back to the unbelievable amount of work I have left tonight.

so my lab today consisted of our instructors driving us to the top of a mountain, handing us a compass, a map, and a bag of forestry tools and saying, "meet you at the bottom"

i do love my major

That one hurts.

A friend of mine and her roommate came to swing for the first time last night. With them finally coming and myself getting back (I haven't been in a while) I was really excited. I was thrilled to help them learn, to watch as they learned on their own, and to re-learn things right along with them.

As I was watching both of them having such a good time out on the floor I had one of those moments. It was one of those things of watching something and finally seeing for the first time; the tap on the shoulder/gentle reminder combo that opens your eyes and hits you with a twisting conviction.

I realized that I have yet to be that excited over watching another person's faith. I've rarely (if ever) been so excited about helping someone learn, watching them grow, and learning with them that I just couldn't sit still.

I'm really praying that changes this year. I've already seen some excitement about leading, but nothing compared to this...

Two faced.

Another great game day. The rain was nowhere to be seen. The sun even managed to make an appearance, allowing for me to get sunburn on half of my face....I think I should start rotating during timeouts.

From the "things that make me smile" department:

I was walking behind this guy on the way to class and he actually stopped to look at the flowers.

Judges are funny.

Indeed, as in Vermont Yankee Nuclear Power Corp v. [NRDC]...the parties in this litigation have "changed positions as nimbly as if dancing a quadrille."

Avoyelles Sportsmen's League, Inc. v. JohnO. MARSH, Jr., Secretary of the Army, et.al.

Burning brighter.

I was thinking the other day (scary, huh?) about how I've placed so much of an emphasis on passion in my Walk. I've sought passion in my worship, prayed for a burning desire, wanted to see all consuming flames, the whole deal.

I've decided I don't want passion anymore.

Passion is often compared to a fire, a flame, anything that burns really. People want to see impact and change so they think passion is the key. It's not really the important part though, in fact, flames are inconsistent and weak. Think of it this way, when a smith is using his forge, he doesn't stick the iron in the flames. The flames don't give off enough heat to do much to the metal.

No, to get the metal heated to where it can really be worked with, a smith puts it in the coals. The coals are where the work is done because the coals are where you find the most intense heat.

Intensity.

It's intensity where you see the most growth, where you see the most change. It's intensity that allows for the most work to be done. I think there are many that put too much of the emphasis on passion rather than intensity. I think this is also a better explanation than what I gave before for why I decided not to do [nlcf] this year and am forging on. I love the people in the ministry, and I found a ton of passion, but not much intensity. You can get some of the greatest flames from some of the weakest fuel sources. Grasses burn brightly and you can even get some great sound effects from Rhododendron leaves (try it sometime), but they are nothing compared to the heat of coke. (Yes, I did my research. Hot enough to incinerate metal? You can't get that from your average bonfire.)

Really, if you want to force the metaphor further, fuel/intensity's external manifestation with proper catalyst/Holy Spirit is flame/passion. So by diligently (post on "diligence" coming soon) seeking intensity, passion will follow.

I'm pinging on and on (ok, I'll stop), but I really feel like I've gone from apprentice to journeyman here.